Does this sound familiar? You want the benefits from meditation but a daily practice evades you.
At least I used to be that person. My big hangup besides a lack of time was the lack of a guarantee. I wanted more than a peaceful existence. I wanted enlightenment and I wanted to know how long it would take. The number of times I used the word “want” in this introduction tells a story on its own. I offer the following musing as an encouragement to those who dare to ask:
“This will work…right?”
Throughout my life, I have had the good fortune of encountering a few select people who seemed very close to enlightenment. Each one radiated special abilities but for the most part, I recall feeling a profound sense of unconditional love within the first minutes of our introduction. I know it’s real.
As a scientist, I also know that reactions can be accelerated by the addition of energy or by taking a shortcut via a catalyst. So shouldn’t this apply to my spiritual development? Did I really need to meditate every day for years?
When it came to sitting with my mantra and my thoughts, I was the poster child of excuses.
My daily selection of mental self-talk sounded like this:
- Meditation is boring
- I overslept so I don’t have time today
- I’m cold, I need to get out of this chair and grab a blanket
- There is a fly in the room that’s bothering me, I need to open a window
- I think the phone is ringing, it could be an important call
Then there was the gold standard,
- The baby just woke up, I must respond now
If this campaign successfully derailed me, it was followed by weeks of forgetting to sit down and even start meditating. Are you with me? Is/Was this you?
But eventually, my self-sabotaging habits would gain a foothold and I would be back in the chair repeating my mantra.
The day I meet someone who has The Answer!
Eventually, I let go of the life goal of being able to state: enlightened master on my resume. But I still wanted to know, what would happen if I meditated daily not just for a few years, but twenty? Yes, way into the future, really old…like my parents. You know I can’t imagine being their age… Yes, I said these things.
To my delight, I soon ran into two lifelong meditators at an event. I assumed they must know the answer to my question. I remember seeing them quietly chatting with a soft glow around them. I am sure it was the lighting in the room.
Just in case this character trait has escaped you, I was a bit of a control freak in my youth. I not only wanted to control the present but to dictate my future. So I had already scripted out the response I wanted to hear:
What really happened
I approached the couple and asked my question. They seemed surprised but then smiled before speaking. They were efficient with their words and said the following:
- Yes, any work that I do is worth it.
- No, they are not enlightened but moments come that confirm they are on the path.
- My emotional baggage will feel lighter as long as I continue to release and let go.
- Just keep going one day at a time, after all, you can only live one day at a time.
They smiled again and after two minutes the conversation was over.
What happened next
Long story short I finally resolved to consistently sit for at least 20 minutes a day to meditate. Funny thing, all I had to do was wait. It’s been more than twenty years going on thirty. So now I can ask myself, “Does meditation really work?”
Dear reader, I can say yes. I continue to sit daily. I am in greater control over my emotions but sometimes I do get triggered and old habits revive. However, instead of holding on, I have learned to see the dynamics in play and then allow them to pass.
A key I didn’t understand until recently was that the individuals who made a strong impression on the younger version of myself were at the end of their journey. I didn’t see them in their early years when they didn’t know how things were going to turn out. I wasn’t there to witness their thousands of hours of selfless practice. I was witnessing the fruits of their labors– given by grace.
I suppose cultivating a clear mind has a lot in common with reaching a fitness goal. Just as muscle won’t grow by itself but appears after consistent use; getting centered comes with repeated states of being centered. Wow, it took me a while to get that…
So now I sit, not because there is the promise of a spiritual payout but because this is my new normal. I am a meditator and have let go of the illusion that I am in control.
Let me know about your journey and what is working for you.
See you on the path.
Author: Maria Morales
I enjoy sharing my love for personal growth. I consider myself a perpetual student since I learn more about our marvelous journey with each client I meet.